This is an end to my radio silence. I can't write Part III - at least, not yet. In part because I know I have not completed processing my own story. I didn't want to come from a place of anger and writing something that I would later regret. Part III will come in due time. For now, I'd like to turn my focus onto something else.
November is National Adoption Month. I have never been involved in NAM before, and wasn't truly aware that it existed until a few years ago. After a Google search, I feel a little disappointed. I'm not sure what I expected to find. Answers, maybe? A reason to feel OK about trying to shed the burden of being an adoptee? [Spoiler Alert: that can't be found on the internet!] What I found instead was a slew of resources for families. How to adopt. When to adopt. Why to adopt. Who to adopt. It's a lot. But none of it is for us. None if it is for those of us left wondering.
There are countless resources for birth mothers and adoptive mothers. And yes, there are resources for reunions and how to find birthparents/children. But what about after? What about after reunion when we are left with the broken pieces of our birthparents' guilt or our adoptive parents' jealousy? What do we call our birthmothers? Do we call them on Mother's Day?
We are not taught to navigate adulthood this way. There is so much to figure out and we are largely left to our own histories to make sense of any of it. I would love to find some honest dialogue about the fact that it's fucking hard to be the product of an open adoption. National Adoption Month shouldn't only be for the parents, when in reality it's about us - the adoptees. I want to reclaim and redirect the awareness to us. We may have a lot to tell you.
November is National Adoption Month. I have never been involved in NAM before, and wasn't truly aware that it existed until a few years ago. After a Google search, I feel a little disappointed. I'm not sure what I expected to find. Answers, maybe? A reason to feel OK about trying to shed the burden of being an adoptee? [Spoiler Alert: that can't be found on the internet!] What I found instead was a slew of resources for families. How to adopt. When to adopt. Why to adopt. Who to adopt. It's a lot. But none of it is for us. None if it is for those of us left wondering.
There are countless resources for birth mothers and adoptive mothers. And yes, there are resources for reunions and how to find birthparents/children. But what about after? What about after reunion when we are left with the broken pieces of our birthparents' guilt or our adoptive parents' jealousy? What do we call our birthmothers? Do we call them on Mother's Day?
We are not taught to navigate adulthood this way. There is so much to figure out and we are largely left to our own histories to make sense of any of it. I would love to find some honest dialogue about the fact that it's fucking hard to be the product of an open adoption. National Adoption Month shouldn't only be for the parents, when in reality it's about us - the adoptees. I want to reclaim and redirect the awareness to us. We may have a lot to tell you.